Be still and know that I am God. These words are a hard pill for me to swallow at the moment. My world is currently either in boxes, or needing to be placed in boxes in preparation for a last-minute move to another state. I find myself fearing being still, for what if in my stillness a necessary item doesn’t reach completion. What if in taking a moment to eat, I do not have time to pack my blankets? What if by going to church I can’t complete something that is crucial to our move? What if by opening presents tomorrow instead of spending the day placing my possessions in boxes, I lose the ability to complete my task? I am aware that these are quite likely mental exaggerations, but exaggeration or not they are real to me.
Christmas has always been my favorite part of the year, with my favorite day being Christmas Eve. There is something about the lights, smells, get togethers, and traditions that fill my heart. Jesus though is the part that brings me to tears. Every year that I grow in Christ, I am more blown away that God would come in the humblest way possible, purely to die the most excruciating death available, to pay a debt that he didn’t owe, for someone who betrayed him. After all I can’t even be still and acknowledge Him in the midst of chaos, yet he was willing to face suffering on my behalf.
This year hasn’t been an easy one for me. Suffering was a daily reality for me for much of the year. There were times where all I could do was cling to God with everything inside me, with the hope he would deliver me from the pain. He never let me go. I am surprised that I sit here writing this with my life in boxes, preparing for my families next exciting journey. Just one month ago this move wasn’t happening, but God made it possible. God brought us through the impossible, only to place us in front of our just mountain.
In the next week and a half Zac and I have Christmas, a move to a new state, a job interview for me, an interview with a graduate school for me, a vacation, and Zac is transitioning from being the primary bread winner to full time student. Everything is changing this week, and there are times where I want to hit the pause button; just stop the chaos and instead stay in my comfy, secure life. I know though that isn’t where God wants me, He wants me, and my family to jump into this change; to run full force into this new season, finally escaping the winter we didn’t know we were in.
In this He is asking us to be still, and call him God. He is asking us to walk by faith and not by sight. None of this makes sense, but God has made a way, even though it seems impossible. I look forward to the coming months, and years. I look forward to the changes that will come forth from this plan that has been set in motion. I also want to announce that I am going to start making short blogs a part of my life for the coming season. I hope to write daily, but we will see where it leads me. I am being called to write and I hope that I can touch someone’s life. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope that you continue to read.